In fact, I think she had so many ideas about what kind of movie she wanted to make, that she took an old movie, ripped off old movie posters, threw in some pop culture lingo and spat out her rendition of Jennifer’s Body. I guess maybe even by labeling it a Black Comedy would get her off the hook, but this movie was just too stupidly random for that and I’ve seen Black Comedies before. If you are looking for a movie without a reasonable point, then be my guest in spending ten dollars to go see this…

So my friend Aaron suggested that I go with him to see Jennifer’s Body because he wanted to write a movie review on it. I guess I agreed to go some time before because he called me up and said was I still going to the movies with him. I didn’t want to go back on my word, but I really didn’t feel like seeing that movie especially after seeing the preview and hearing my cousin tell me how wack it was. I knew he was right all along, but I tried to keep a good thought about it. I really wanted to go see Tim Burton’s 9, but the last movie had already started so I was stuck with Jennifer’s Body. I wasn’t doing anything else, so I just took my cousin along for the ride as we once again, climbed that ladder to the heavens while we ventured to the movie theater at Stonecrest Mall. We made it there just in time for the previews again, and we both slumped into our chairs and kicked up our feet in preparation for what was to come.

When the movie first came on, I didn’t know what to expect. It all began with the co lead role chick in a cell and some lady talking to her. All of a sudden, she lashes out at the lady and kicked the shit out of her, sending her flying across the room and even spat on her. This shocked me horrendously on two counts: One because I didn’t expect it and two because she did it to a nice black lady! The lady was just asking her some questions and then the chick just kicked the shit out of her. Then spat on the lady as she lay on the ground bleed profusely from her mouth. I was just thinking “ain’t this some mess!” After that, the story got weirder and stupider. It seems like the use of pop culture was Cody’s niche, but she annoyingly over did it.

In a conversation, Megan Fox who plays Jennifer tells her friend that she is going to see a band that she saw on MySpace and her and her friend even had matching necklaces that read BFF. The movie wreaked with the poison of pop culture which made the movie less believable. I mean “freaktard,” really? Of course like every scray movie (not that this was one bit scary) you have a point where characters do dumb things that you know no one would do in real life. There was a scene where Jennifer, after she was turned into a demon, accepted one of her schoolmates offer to go out on a date. Now mind you this guy is one of those emo dudes with jet black hair and black fingernails and chains, so you could see how it was strange for her to even go out with him, especially since she already showed her unapproved of the date to begin with. So when he finally arrives to the address that she gave him, he finds himself on a dark, vacant street in front of the house that is supposed to be Jennifer’s but is instead some beat down looking house that was still under construction. After calling her name and looking around, the guy decides to hop in the broken window to further investigate. I don’t think I need to go on to tell you what happened.

I’m saying that if you have to go through all of that just to get with a girl, then it’s definitely not worth it! I mean, who in real life is going to go to an abandoned street and hop through a broken window just to get up with a chick? Not I said the cat. The last part that unhinged my nerves was the ending. So Jennifer gets pierced by a gigantic pole through her stomach and survives, but gets stabbed by a box cutter and dies? What kind of mess is that? Does that even make sense? Sure her chain was snatched off, but what explanation does that give? There were just too many times where I wondered what the hell was I watching because there were times where the movie was gruesome, and then times where it was a bit geeky. I think the dumbest surprise came when the explanation for Jennifer’s “death” came about, when she went into the van with the rock band.

Ultimately, this movie was both cheesy and ran together. It doesn’t matter what label or genre you want to throw it in, nothing will stop it from being a crappy movie. Sure it wasn’t the most anticipated movie ever, but I had some expectations from it. First of all, the title comes from the band Hole, which is Courtney Love’s band, who is also the widow of Kurt Cobain. I dig Hole a lot and I could tell that Diablo Cody does too because she even made references to them in Juno when they sang the song “Doll Parts.” Plus, I liked Juno. I thought the language was cute, especially since it came from a younger girl. Just seeing Megan Fox say things like “You gave me a wettie” kind of turned me off a bit. I mean what the hell is a wettie anyway? Better yet, who says that? Anyways, if you like movies that give you a chuckle every now and then and has some totally violent scenes then this is your movie. Just don’t go expecting a lot. You’ll be horribly disappointed.

Later days…