Earlier this year I was hanging out with some friends, and for some reason we were discussing how absurd it would be to tweet an entire movie script.
“You won’t do it,” one friend said.
“I absolutely will,” I replied.
And I absolutely did.
On January 13, 2014, I began tweeting every single line from Lindsay Lohan’s 1998 film The Parent Trap. I’m pleased to announce that 705 tweets and 170 days later, I finished on July 2, 2014.
Why The Parent Trap? Why not The Parent Trap? I wish I had a better reason, but this is just how things happened. College was strange.
It was long, slow, tedious work. Watch. Pause. Type. Watch. Pause. Type. Ad infinitum. I peaked at 31 followers and ended with 29. I’m thankful for everyone who joined me on this unforgettable, weird journey.
31 Thoughts I Had While Tweeting Every Line of The Parent Trap
1. Tie-dye girl is the unsung hero of this film.
2. Speaking of unsung heroes, I would love to know what happens to the boy who accidentally goes to the girls’ camp. That’s a narrative I could invest in. Oh, and that actor is Michael Lohan, as in Lindsay Lohan’s REAL LIFE BROTHER.
3. I was on the fencing team for a short period of time in high school. That sport is no joke. These girls are legit.
4. The nanny’s name is CHESSY. Not Jessie. Mind blown.
5. Annie is so obviously the superior twin. Hallie sort of has that spunky Cali girl thing going for her, but Annie truly has it all. She also turns trash talk into an art form.
6. Natasha Richardson’s death still weighs on me. She was a brilliant woman. And she was particularly charming as Elizabeth James.
7. I started out tweeting straight from the script, but I didn’t take into account the fact that actors and actresses often change things up on the fly and deviate from their lines. I also accidentally tweeted an entire camp scene that didn’t make it into the movie. From that point on I realized I needed to watch along while I tweet if I wanted to do this as accurately as possible.
8. Every man should aspire to be like Nick Parker.
9. Owning a vineyard one day is a huge dream of mine. And if I happen to have twin red-headed daughters as well, so be it.
10. If the isolation cabin had been a real thing, camp would’ve been awesome. But putting two preteen enemies in the same cabin without any adult supervision sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen.
11. The Concorde jet, the one that gets Nick and Hallie to London in half the time, no longer flies. If this movie had been made after 2003, they wouldn’t have been waiting in the study to surprise Elizabeth and Annie
12. Maybe I had a long-lost twin at the camps I went to when I was younger but I never met him or her because I was too busy complaining about how much I hate camp.
13. I’m 22 and I barely know how to play poker. These 11-year-old girls would’ve whipped my tush. I can’t say I support gambling at such a young age, but who am I to judge?
14. I may never trust a Meredith again.
15. In middle school I pierced my ear the same way Annie and Hallie do it in the movie. A friend from England was visiting my family in America, and for some reason we decided to pierce my ear with a needle. The summer after 7th grade I had an earring. LOL.
16. Meredith is the worst, but she has a pretty good point here.
18. And Hallie knows more about wine than I do
19. I never understood what was happening when the statue waves at Hallie when she first arrives in London. I used to think it was an oddly placed bit of magical realism in a film firmly grounded in reality.
20. I always wanted to see more of the Martin and Chessy subplot. The American nanny. The English butler. Again, that’s a narrative I could invest in.
21. I’m always willing to suspend my disbelief for the sake of a good story, but honestly, how did this happen?
22. Child actors are usually less than awesome, but this was Lindsay Lohan’s first movie, and she does a stellar job. I wonder how it would work if she were a method actor. Would she “become” Annie pretending to be Hallie or Hallie pretending to be Annie. Would it really even matter?
23. I’ve never been much of a hat-wearing guy, but Nick Parker is making me rethink that.
24. How many times do you think Lindsay Lohan has seen this movie? When is the last time she watched it? What goes through her mind when she watches it?
25. The Parent Trap would’ve been pretty wild if one of the twins had been a boy. That would require a lot more than just a haircut, an accent, and some pierced ears.
26. So true.
27. I can’t help but wonder how this experiment/project/thing will impact the way I watch the movie in the future. I’m sure I won’t watch it for a while, but eventually I’ll see it again. Will I feel nostalgic? Will I tell the people who are with me about my experience with this silly late 90s movie? Will it feel like coming home after a long trip? Only time will tell.
28. I’ve never seen the original 1961 film. Maybe I’ll tweet every line of that movie one day. (Just kidding. I would rather die.)
29. The scenes with Elizabeth and Nick near the end are actually pretty heartbreaking. For example: When they’re eating dinner on the boat and Liz is talking about how Nick didn’t come after her when she packed up and left, and he says, “I didn’t know that you wanted me to.” There’s a lot of emotional baggage there. So much regret and pain. We see it again when they’re in the wine cellar and he pulls out the bottle of wine from their wedding and right before they kiss she slowly backs away with tear-filled eyes. Devastating.
30. I’m trying to figure out what I’ve learned through this whole experience, but I really don’t think I’ve learned anything. And that’s okay. Sometimes it’s good to finish things just because you said you would.
31. This will always be the best.
This post originally appeared on Further Up & Further In.